No chance to look back

This year has been anything but smooth and the way that each one of us has had to deal with the pandemic has been different for everyone.  Some got sick, and and those families had to deal with life and death in the balance with few not making it and those survivors ultimately scarred for life.  Many lost opportunities and work and time.  Some were lucky enough to have just lose comfort in wearing a mask, or  a travel ticket to a lost  vacation.  If it wasn't the pandemic it was something else. Political warfare, natural disasters, stroke, and freak accidents.  If anime taught us anything, it would have been to know that 2020 would be a year of disaster and calamity. 

For me, the flood came in the beginning of November 2020, just days after arriving back to Denmark with my wife and daughter - it felt like hours.  Due to the pandemic and probably many other reasons my time at LEGO Education had ended, along with many of my colleagues who's lives suddenly changed over 48 hours of the culling.  With luck I had a lifeboat of opportunity that my work spoke volumes to others and i would find a shore of a temporary contract with the bigger LEGO Group, keeping my salary and benefits until i could find a new full time job. As of writing this, that search continues, as if the water is slowly rising on my new found land.  

It didnt hit me until  a few days later, my emotions and anxiety finally hitting the fact that i'd have to leave 10 years of collected memories, stuff, builds, contraband and development at the drop of a hat.  It was barely a day before i signed that my contract was terminated and that i'd meet my new manager and even potentially begin work that same day.  I let myself start the day after.  It was only then that the work of visas for the family and the sick reality of thought that could lead to me leaving denmark.  I'm fighting to raise my daughter here though. I began to scrounge up my old desk, answering that question of what would you take with you if you could only take a few things to the edge of the world.  My few boxes felt like crumbs. Though i was always able to collect more, i knew that it was healthier to leave it all behind.  I knew that it would all eventually be washed away to be discarded unceremoniously and my best bet was to not look back.  I taught myself to let go of everything i feared to lose. 

There was the episode of 'The Fresh Prince' that lingered in my mind.  The one where Will's father came back and then left again with an excuse. Will exclaims 'Why doesn't he want me man?!' and falls into the arms of a supportive Uncle Phil.   I'm glad the show continued after that.  My friends, the rest of the LEGO Group and especially my wife filled that space of Uncle Phil, and i know that things will be ok.  They will be, yet until then, i'm definitely weighed down with anxiety, doubt, and fear.  I think its healthy to be prepared.  Luckily we knew  a flood was coming.  Onward we go.

I have ultimate gratitude to those who had that faith in me, and are continuing to work on my behalf to get that permanent job.    I know i need to be proactive too, and its a bit exciting to prove myself again.  Its exciting to be in a new role and new spot with so many opportunities.  Sky is the limit! 

I do get the chance to wade back into the flood waters though, just to see if there's anything left of my old home.  Feels a bit like the titanic, though its truly a flood that passed through. Its all there but its not, and I know that its really gone.  Maybe someday we'll find a way back, but whats gone is gone and i have to look forward for the sake of the life i brought into this world.   

To the new adventure, still working for LEGO but now to make sure that my daughter learns that her father is resilient.  That you can live and work your dreams and that nothing can stop us from them.  I want her to know that we got this. Lets keep building! 

a life, time, and a wheel

Ten,

Ten years ago I woke up to leave for Denmark for the first time.  Ten years later I woke up next to my wife and daughter.  Just like that, they were there.   Just like that it became a family, a family that I hope will continue the pursuit of happiness and dreams and the like.  Its a new journey, a wonderful cycle of new and renewal.  That this day fated so many sunsets ago i would begin a new life to watch it blossom into an amazing world and career, and now i begin again to a new life in the most literal sense of the world.  I cannot wait to see how this life plays out. 

some 5 years ago, i started a project that i really called 'project caveman' and really it was a name i gave myself and it wasnt anything super official of a name.  It does live on a few internal documents, but i'm sure they all gave it a much more minor, mundane name.   I mean, who was trying to reinvent the wheel?  I spent almost a year on research, which led to almost another year on development of prototypes and eventually presenting my results to a team which would take it further to market.  It was almost a solitary effort at least when i started and with a lot of help when it ended.  Driving it was a complete learning experience. 

That wheel finally came out, not so far removed from the original but hey, i'm proud of it. 

I built it into something for my daughter.  The model would gently rock her back and forth and I hope it would put her to sleep.   Lots of fun details in it and the like.  The part designed ended up being the part that her head would rest on.  In function, i would have to put a pillow and a blanket to make sure she was comfortable (and you'll never see it for fear of any ethical repercussion).  I found that to be an ultimate parable. That my projects would hold her head, and i hope they do, and i hope that thats how she sees the work that i do and maybe thats how i should see the work that i do.  It was pretty cool, the lights of the hub would shine through the pillow and would make a halo effect.  I took it apart already, to build more cool things. 

Be assured young one, rest your head amongst daddy's world, to help hold you up and bring you your dreams. 

8 years - Work like you mean it

Another title for this post could have been, Staying Hungry, eluding to the lack of bacon in my apartment today. 

Even though my first real day of work in Denmark was in September, it's this weekend where I actually came to Denmark for the first time.  It was a 5 week 'freelance' and 'interview' process.   All those emotions and feelings and fear and the unknown, bottled up into a 35 day blog sprint. 
These days, man, I hope its me channeling that passion and hunger that I had back then.  I hope i haven't been jaded by age and corporation, but I still find myself digging into the hours and and the bricks.   I can tell myself that I'd do this forever, that I'd do it for free as long as they'd let me.  I can tell myself that its not work, but practice or rehearsal - for a show that will be as grand as ever.   Whatever I do, its mine, and I want every hour and every dream to be seen when its eventually out. 

This is the longest I've ever been anywhere, it was only 5 years in university, just short of a full 7 years at home waiting for the right opportunity after that and now a full eight years living a dream.  Only the fact that it could all change, that life and its beautiful moments are temporary keep me on a teetering edge.  I can't take it for granted, so i give everything i've got, and remember doing so, so many years ago.  I placed brick after brick, even humbled by the amazing talent that sat in front of me.   My how they've all grown and how we've all been impacted by each other.  Maybe I havent taken any courses since I left New York, but i've surely learned  a lot.   I do hope to be here longer, there's still so much to do.  I've learned patience, and persistence.   I remember starting a project almost 2 years ago and now finally seeing the real plastic,  I cant wait to share it with everyone else!

There's no turning back, there's only forward.   There's only a new dream that may come, a future still wonderfully uncertain.  What I like to remember, especially when reading back in the last years, is to keep that passion alive, keep the hunger and will to surprise and WOW, and more importantly to continue that honest self expression through this wonderful medium, and maybe many other mediums.   To keep learning and being a child, and remember that even though you can be at a place and point of wisdom, true experience will dictate that only the openness and willingness to change is what will keep you going.

Here's to staying hungry, outworking yourself..and
time to find some bacon.   

Coming out clean on the other end.

One of many stories, but I think I wouldn't tell it if it weren't so personal.  With this year's FIRST LEGO League season being called HydroDynamics and me designing the models, it got deep, it got personal and one model really brought me to the brink.  It was that long personal connection to a time gone by, and a crazy challenging mechanic to make sure it would work pushing me to edges.

When I graduated University - two degrees, all fancy on paper, green as i'll ever get, no experience, and hoping for a better future. I'd think my first job was just at a LEGO Brand retail store, but the first real  Engineering job was a civil service position at the Department of Environmental Protection in New York City.  They stuck me with the Wastewater treatment division.

New York City has a mixed sewage system, with all rain water and sewage from houses eventually converging before going to the treatment plants.  Thirteen plants in all, and I was able to visit all of them in my short stay there.  It didn't take long before  I made the decision to leave.  I was on top of a sludge tank on the fourth day, I knew I wouldn't last long there.  There were tours of old sludge pipes, three and four meter tall pipes of old sewage tracks, and small cracked pipe replacements due to erosion from the inside.. think about that one.   And some of the normal HVAC replacements, new installations, simple replacements, site inspections just could not compare to the smell.   They say smell is the sense closest to memory, and believe me, I'll never forget.

Can you imagine my horror of doing a site visit to a water treatment plant, twelve years later and eventually deciding that the big complex model would be a water treatment plant? It made so much sense to do, being one of the most complex parts of the human water cycle.   It also leaned a bit on that experience from that long ago.

The model itself, going down to details, has a fun function.  You need to flush the toilet, and hold it down to activate the treatment plant, where once completed clean water and a sludge cake would come out.   So one action, with a delay, to release two objects over the span of a meter of axles with ramps running over those axles.  There's counterweights, locks, long axles with U joints, a non dual locked model and some clever design choices to match what would be part of the real thing.

You can see the counterweight should be sludge tanks, the fly wheel is an oxygenation or chemical treatment tank, and then the sludge release actually mimics the solid separation tank skimmer.  The water is released under everything via the skimmer as well.  The rest of the mechanism works via a clutch and release through the long pipe activated by the toilet.  When you flush, the mechanism can start, but if you don't hold down long enough, the model will lock itself again.  I mean its the real thing, you should flush a bit longer to get the solids out.

It took forever to get it to work, the timing was wrong, or there was an unknown friction somewhere in the system.  So many of my sketch models worked and then it came to testing.  The balance between time and weight was an issue.  Down to seconds and grams ! It felt like I had gone back to the shit back then.  I never thought i'd have to go back to it, but its funny how life goes in that cycle.

I remember when I left that job, it would actually begin an 18 day road trip around the US, by myself. The life risk was there, and I was young enough to take it.   I told myself I'd look back at it and laugh.  It took some years, but maybe it came back to laugh at me.   I'm proud of the model, and I hope all the FLL kids enjoy it too.  You get another piece of me here, how rare is it that we get to put that in our work.

*photo from the Building instructions and setup  of FLL Hydro Dynamics, courtesy of firstlegoleague.org*

5 years

Sitting under this cool, but artificial light, wearing relics of even further behind; my mind is reflecting upon the happenings of my last five years, its a smile on my face, sighs of relief,  a contentment and relaxation in my muscles, at least until my mind returns to the amount of work that needs to be done in the coming days and weeks.

Gosh the number of adventures, broken hearts, miles, and milliliters of ink.  So many bricks, beers and lost nights.   I cant think of where else i should be right now.  I cant imagine where life would be if i wasnt here.  I only dreamt of this.  But still, i want more, and theres so much left to do, so much left to share.   My goals continue to grow, as does my spirit.  My heart will continue to search, my body willing to learn.  I'm determined. 

i wonder who would even read this, to imagine the elation in my soul at making it here.   But brick by brick, building this life, constantly trying to express myself.  And even at this age, at this moment, learning how to punch again, to walk again, to display a card and still finding that the more I experience, the less that i know.

here's to the next 5 years, or even the next 5 minutes.  life is fleeting, life is short and everything can change so quickly. 

Inspiring young minds

Shortly,

My puppy inspires this awesome thing

http://www.us.lego.com/en-us/mindstorms/community/robot?projectid=91ccda72-7b20-45aa-b98b-6f56d2569a01

now this is a cool direction for this blog.

Last dance

Somewhere in some warehouse in the world, a box is beginning it's last dance to its final place of rest.  Its journey continues out and through the warehouse to a truck making its way to a local distribution center.  There begins the search from the carriers or postal services, labels on bar-coded, tracked and ready to go. In some days this box will land on a doorstep, or maybe a receiving center of a school ready to be experienced.
The final dance of twists and turns and lift and drops; a waltz and whiz of whirling pens and stamps coming to a halt with the tear of the tape and snap of the plastic strap.  Oh it began with a simple press of a button: the plastic ordered, granules shipped and heated to liquid, molded and squeezed, electronics soldered; buzzing and burping.  Parts shooting to open plastic bags sorted and shaken then heated and sealed.  And as the bags land in the final box, shaken to level, and cardboard placed, the top snapped on.

For me its finally happening, as my work will finally land in ordered hands.

There's a new robot in class.. and i'm glad to have been part of that.