No chance to look back

This year has been anything but smooth and the way that each one of us has had to deal with the pandemic has been different for everyone.  Some got sick, and and those families had to deal with life and death in the balance with few not making it and those survivors ultimately scarred for life.  Many lost opportunities and work and time.  Some were lucky enough to have just lose comfort in wearing a mask, or  a travel ticket to a lost  vacation.  If it wasn't the pandemic it was something else. Political warfare, natural disasters, stroke, and freak accidents.  If anime taught us anything, it would have been to know that 2020 would be a year of disaster and calamity. 

For me, the flood came in the beginning of November 2020, just days after arriving back to Denmark with my wife and daughter - it felt like hours.  Due to the pandemic and probably many other reasons my time at LEGO Education had ended, along with many of my colleagues who's lives suddenly changed over 48 hours of the culling.  With luck I had a lifeboat of opportunity that my work spoke volumes to others and i would find a shore of a temporary contract with the bigger LEGO Group, keeping my salary and benefits until i could find a new full time job. As of writing this, that search continues, as if the water is slowly rising on my new found land.  

It didnt hit me until  a few days later, my emotions and anxiety finally hitting the fact that i'd have to leave 10 years of collected memories, stuff, builds, contraband and development at the drop of a hat.  It was barely a day before i signed that my contract was terminated and that i'd meet my new manager and even potentially begin work that same day.  I let myself start the day after.  It was only then that the work of visas for the family and the sick reality of thought that could lead to me leaving denmark.  I'm fighting to raise my daughter here though. I began to scrounge up my old desk, answering that question of what would you take with you if you could only take a few things to the edge of the world.  My few boxes felt like crumbs. Though i was always able to collect more, i knew that it was healthier to leave it all behind.  I knew that it would all eventually be washed away to be discarded unceremoniously and my best bet was to not look back.  I taught myself to let go of everything i feared to lose. 

There was the episode of 'The Fresh Prince' that lingered in my mind.  The one where Will's father came back and then left again with an excuse. Will exclaims 'Why doesn't he want me man?!' and falls into the arms of a supportive Uncle Phil.   I'm glad the show continued after that.  My friends, the rest of the LEGO Group and especially my wife filled that space of Uncle Phil, and i know that things will be ok.  They will be, yet until then, i'm definitely weighed down with anxiety, doubt, and fear.  I think its healthy to be prepared.  Luckily we knew  a flood was coming.  Onward we go.

I have ultimate gratitude to those who had that faith in me, and are continuing to work on my behalf to get that permanent job.    I know i need to be proactive too, and its a bit exciting to prove myself again.  Its exciting to be in a new role and new spot with so many opportunities.  Sky is the limit! 

I do get the chance to wade back into the flood waters though, just to see if there's anything left of my old home.  Feels a bit like the titanic, though its truly a flood that passed through. Its all there but its not, and I know that its really gone.  Maybe someday we'll find a way back, but whats gone is gone and i have to look forward for the sake of the life i brought into this world.   

To the new adventure, still working for LEGO but now to make sure that my daughter learns that her father is resilient.  That you can live and work your dreams and that nothing can stop us from them.  I want her to know that we got this. Lets keep building! 

a life, time, and a wheel

Ten,

Ten years ago I woke up to leave for Denmark for the first time.  Ten years later I woke up next to my wife and daughter.  Just like that, they were there.   Just like that it became a family, a family that I hope will continue the pursuit of happiness and dreams and the like.  Its a new journey, a wonderful cycle of new and renewal.  That this day fated so many sunsets ago i would begin a new life to watch it blossom into an amazing world and career, and now i begin again to a new life in the most literal sense of the world.  I cannot wait to see how this life plays out. 

some 5 years ago, i started a project that i really called 'project caveman' and really it was a name i gave myself and it wasnt anything super official of a name.  It does live on a few internal documents, but i'm sure they all gave it a much more minor, mundane name.   I mean, who was trying to reinvent the wheel?  I spent almost a year on research, which led to almost another year on development of prototypes and eventually presenting my results to a team which would take it further to market.  It was almost a solitary effort at least when i started and with a lot of help when it ended.  Driving it was a complete learning experience. 

That wheel finally came out, not so far removed from the original but hey, i'm proud of it. 

I built it into something for my daughter.  The model would gently rock her back and forth and I hope it would put her to sleep.   Lots of fun details in it and the like.  The part designed ended up being the part that her head would rest on.  In function, i would have to put a pillow and a blanket to make sure she was comfortable (and you'll never see it for fear of any ethical repercussion).  I found that to be an ultimate parable. That my projects would hold her head, and i hope they do, and i hope that thats how she sees the work that i do and maybe thats how i should see the work that i do.  It was pretty cool, the lights of the hub would shine through the pillow and would make a halo effect.  I took it apart already, to build more cool things. 

Be assured young one, rest your head amongst daddy's world, to help hold you up and bring you your dreams.