a bit hungry, but felt like writing
The crack of the cue ball hitting a fresh nine ball rack with a good stroke would send chills down many a spine. It was music to my ears. And i was that guy, yea that guy showing off in the middle of the pool table, at least with the loud break. I had a few good racks, relatively consistent with a decent position. The break shot from the back of the rack with the corner ball going into the side pocket-that shot was becoming easy.
I needed a fresh look at things, a creative boost in another department. What was mostly necessary was being able to shoot without bias, without though or complaint. Its like building without rules, screaming without volume, punching the gas on a go kart and hitting the turn without brakes. That happened this week too, but no one can get enough of that anyway.
It was a payday present to myself. But it wasnt the usual pool hall experience, my rusty memory of the smoky place, ridiculously loud music and friendly hostess seemed to fade a little for a silent three hours of no nonsense shooting. I could use a little company sometimes, i think i spend way too much time alone to be honest. Maybe that stark idealist, maybe i havent figured it out yet, ever the humble gentleman, the nomad and warrior haha.
And this old man on the train, looked like Mr. Miyagi and Sam seed rolled into one. His dirty grey que stuck out of a hole in a beat up old skully. He flexed and stretched like a crazy drunken master and he looked like he lost 3 of his fingers on his right hand fighting the good fight. 'Hav god dag!' streamed out of of his drunken lips, wet from the foam of a can that he couldnt open properly. I made up a story in my head about him, he couldnt just be a vagabond, and homeless stranger. He had to be this warrior, down on his luck, maybe missing some old lady lost in the passage of time. He fought many a battle, drunken style, maybe eagle claw..and his three strong fingers were a akin to that. 'Hav god dag' in an asian danish accent, the old master stammered. I wonder if i could have learned something from him. He could have showed me how to strengthen my hands by crushing beer cans he drank. The story was great. The ride home was sleepy and quiet, and the next day would be just as quiet.
Time for ice cream, time for legoland.
and i should mention oktoberfest somewhere. but thats another story.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
obligatory..but really
Spending the better half of the day cooling down after my first sober birthday since i turned 25. I came home a few hundred kroner and one white bowtie (for some reason the sound of this word does not resonate with me) lighter.
The party itself was a whirlwind. Once at the club, it was near non stop dancing until just about 3am. I was glad people came and got dressed up and even more happy that even those who didnt particularly enjoy the music still came out and danced. The energy was incredible in there, and it was an amazing evening.
It was also a milestone, my first birthday in a new life. I cant believe how much had changed in the last year. And last night had started with this song that i kind of left with in nyc. I saved as many nights as i could, fought the brink of dawn, and tomorrow came, I was gone...and eventually so was she. The last year was truly sobering, full of learning experiences and now a new family here. I felt like i brought them back with me, to the bronx, to a piece of me that they may not really have known about or maybe they did. And it really meant a lot to me that they were there, while wishing my friends back home could help revel in the festivities as well. While lifting this massive one liter of danish beer, i was reminded of the travels and the sights ive seen. It was obviously Munich, but then more than that, my travels have brought me to the foot of the Eiffel tower, the water of the Trevi Fountain, a castle in the mountains, and where the seas meet the seas. But moreover, from those travels i knew there is just so much more to see of the world, the cities that no one heard of, and avenues few people walk through. I danced with more gusto and confidence last night than i had in a very long time. I left my inhibitions at the door and watched my shy youth go off in the distance. Perhaps it was a product of the year's happenings. The nearly forced learning of being independent, quickly and in a place where nobody knows your name, and many times where nobody knows your tongue. Where was this gusto while standing next to a beautiful girl on sort of balcony, listening to a swing band, in Verona!? Next time then. I dont know if i had any new turn patterns in me, maybe a few new moves, or just a few that came back from the back of my mind. I wondered if it would shadow the professional creativity that i've been able to display in the last year. So many things made with these two hands, and even fewer that anyone will see.
The year hasnt abated my hunger for more, and maybe even hungrier to see more, grow more and be more. At times i feel like my age lies to me, theres so much more life to live, I only wonder if i had missed out so much and trying to rush to catch up as i get older. Who am i kidding though, i always tell myself that i intend to live forever!
So here i sit, in a quiet apartment, feasting on Ken Burns Baseball. Enjoying a lazy sunday at home, trying not to think about too much and surely doing way too little. Perhaps i'll get something sweet from the store. I should be thinking about tomorrow, and maybe the next year ahead. Maybe very little will change in the coming year, maybe more will. Yea, 31.
The party itself was a whirlwind. Once at the club, it was near non stop dancing until just about 3am. I was glad people came and got dressed up and even more happy that even those who didnt particularly enjoy the music still came out and danced. The energy was incredible in there, and it was an amazing evening.
It was also a milestone, my first birthday in a new life. I cant believe how much had changed in the last year. And last night had started with this song that i kind of left with in nyc. I saved as many nights as i could, fought the brink of dawn, and tomorrow came, I was gone...and eventually so was she. The last year was truly sobering, full of learning experiences and now a new family here. I felt like i brought them back with me, to the bronx, to a piece of me that they may not really have known about or maybe they did. And it really meant a lot to me that they were there, while wishing my friends back home could help revel in the festivities as well. While lifting this massive one liter of danish beer, i was reminded of the travels and the sights ive seen. It was obviously Munich, but then more than that, my travels have brought me to the foot of the Eiffel tower, the water of the Trevi Fountain, a castle in the mountains, and where the seas meet the seas. But moreover, from those travels i knew there is just so much more to see of the world, the cities that no one heard of, and avenues few people walk through. I danced with more gusto and confidence last night than i had in a very long time. I left my inhibitions at the door and watched my shy youth go off in the distance. Perhaps it was a product of the year's happenings. The nearly forced learning of being independent, quickly and in a place where nobody knows your name, and many times where nobody knows your tongue. Where was this gusto while standing next to a beautiful girl on sort of balcony, listening to a swing band, in Verona!? Next time then. I dont know if i had any new turn patterns in me, maybe a few new moves, or just a few that came back from the back of my mind. I wondered if it would shadow the professional creativity that i've been able to display in the last year. So many things made with these two hands, and even fewer that anyone will see.
The year hasnt abated my hunger for more, and maybe even hungrier to see more, grow more and be more. At times i feel like my age lies to me, theres so much more life to live, I only wonder if i had missed out so much and trying to rush to catch up as i get older. Who am i kidding though, i always tell myself that i intend to live forever!
So here i sit, in a quiet apartment, feasting on Ken Burns Baseball. Enjoying a lazy sunday at home, trying not to think about too much and surely doing way too little. Perhaps i'll get something sweet from the store. I should be thinking about tomorrow, and maybe the next year ahead. Maybe very little will change in the coming year, maybe more will. Yea, 31.
Monday, September 12, 2011
A.... traveler
Maybe, the selfish traveler?
I spent that last 10 days traversing due south of my current abode. With grueling train rides, sweltering heat, and what felt like days at a time without a good shower.
It was great to share the experience via facebook, foursquare and even email letters with my mom. Traveling alone has all that comes with it, the introspective look, the self pacing, discovery and self discovery - though i hadnt set out for the self discovery part. And its so hard to share that, to share anything about the feeling of excitement and the touch and feel of the world around. I came out thinking that theres still so much more to see and i've only touched the surface.
I began on a wednesday afternoon, to vejle, picking up a travel towel and a water bottle, both essential travel tools. Like the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, never leave without a good towel. I had two. From there was a beeline to Venice. Flensburg was interesting at night, I wanted to explore it more, but the train was coming. Vending machine soup saved my ass and so did some tea crackers (which i had with me the entire trip!). I had a few hours in Fulda, a charming town with some really cool churches and sculptures. It was a city that was upgrading and getting some modern touches. Then waking up in Munich to take that last bit over through italy. Here I got to appreciate the Austian alps, they were fantastic.
Venice was as ive seen it in so many books and travel ideas. But as a tourguide said it, its a fading city, soon to be a themepark. Still absolutely beautiful with majestic panoramas and the charming streets where one could get so easily lost. It was a great first stop.
Verona was just a comfortable city, busy enough to have the noise that i like, but easy enough to get around with lots of charm, beautiful women and a fantastic live swing band. I have to return, if only to see the opera and of course greet the hosts that held me there for a few hours.
Rome reminded me of new york, It reminded me about how mundane some of our NYC sights have become to me, yet how grand they still are. But for the locals of Rome, could they be any less mundane? How could it be to let those things be just second nature. "Hey guys lets meet at the Trevi fountain, get drinks.?" but the vatican was as gaudy as they say and this ridiculous arch commemorating the beginning of Christianity'.. I bet my Non denominational friends would love to put something else there haha! The history is just mindboggling, and so was the heat. Rome is best seen with cooler weather for sure. And damn, there were so many filipinos!
A train strike, and me being over cautious sent me over to Grossetto. My host, and fellow MCP, toured me around this fortress town and the following day to the Mediterranean sea with its warm waters and strong breeze.
From there to Milan, which most reminded me of New York's shopping areas. Everything was (even too) easy. Expensive shops and model like women. It was mistimed though, one more night and i could have been at the crazy fashion night. No bowtie, though i held 4 in my hand before i left. I left my bank card in a automatic ordering machine at mcdonalds(!) perhaps a good thing, it kept me from spending more money than i had.
To Laussane, with its breathtaking views, the unexpected (at least for me) Olympic museum and just amazing air. If you wanted an introspective moment, it was here. The train ride reminded me of popping out of the tunnel and seeing seattle. I had that wow moment when seeing those mountains and the lake in between. That was just stunning.
And then the Fairy tale castle, high above the mountain, should i ever come across the means, i'd love to make a room in the castle and then tear out the underground and build my voltron fortress. There were places for each of the lions!
Shopping in munich, and drinking at the famous Hofbrahaus!
Berlin, with its relevant history. It was a growing city..and 'the newest' one I've gone to. And then seeing the colleagues and friends on the train back.
Even this short narrative cant bring the emotions and the feelings of grandeur. I'll keep those to myself. There was a time in rome, when i wanted to stop taking pictures and just enjoy it, just be in the moment. To just be a traveler, passing through these cities to eat, to drink, to experience just a bit of what it is to live there. Maybe i wanted to feel like a local.
So, the experience is mine, no matter how much i can tel you. If you really want to know what its like, come with me on my next adventure..and you'll get a taste of it.
I spent that last 10 days traversing due south of my current abode. With grueling train rides, sweltering heat, and what felt like days at a time without a good shower.
It was great to share the experience via facebook, foursquare and even email letters with my mom. Traveling alone has all that comes with it, the introspective look, the self pacing, discovery and self discovery - though i hadnt set out for the self discovery part. And its so hard to share that, to share anything about the feeling of excitement and the touch and feel of the world around. I came out thinking that theres still so much more to see and i've only touched the surface.
I began on a wednesday afternoon, to vejle, picking up a travel towel and a water bottle, both essential travel tools. Like the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, never leave without a good towel. I had two. From there was a beeline to Venice. Flensburg was interesting at night, I wanted to explore it more, but the train was coming. Vending machine soup saved my ass and so did some tea crackers (which i had with me the entire trip!). I had a few hours in Fulda, a charming town with some really cool churches and sculptures. It was a city that was upgrading and getting some modern touches. Then waking up in Munich to take that last bit over through italy. Here I got to appreciate the Austian alps, they were fantastic.
Venice was as ive seen it in so many books and travel ideas. But as a tourguide said it, its a fading city, soon to be a themepark. Still absolutely beautiful with majestic panoramas and the charming streets where one could get so easily lost. It was a great first stop.
Verona was just a comfortable city, busy enough to have the noise that i like, but easy enough to get around with lots of charm, beautiful women and a fantastic live swing band. I have to return, if only to see the opera and of course greet the hosts that held me there for a few hours.
Rome reminded me of new york, It reminded me about how mundane some of our NYC sights have become to me, yet how grand they still are. But for the locals of Rome, could they be any less mundane? How could it be to let those things be just second nature. "Hey guys lets meet at the Trevi fountain, get drinks.?" but the vatican was as gaudy as they say and this ridiculous arch commemorating the beginning of Christianity'.. I bet my Non denominational friends would love to put something else there haha! The history is just mindboggling, and so was the heat. Rome is best seen with cooler weather for sure. And damn, there were so many filipinos!
A train strike, and me being over cautious sent me over to Grossetto. My host, and fellow MCP, toured me around this fortress town and the following day to the Mediterranean sea with its warm waters and strong breeze.
From there to Milan, which most reminded me of New York's shopping areas. Everything was (even too) easy. Expensive shops and model like women. It was mistimed though, one more night and i could have been at the crazy fashion night. No bowtie, though i held 4 in my hand before i left. I left my bank card in a automatic ordering machine at mcdonalds(!) perhaps a good thing, it kept me from spending more money than i had.
To Laussane, with its breathtaking views, the unexpected (at least for me) Olympic museum and just amazing air. If you wanted an introspective moment, it was here. The train ride reminded me of popping out of the tunnel and seeing seattle. I had that wow moment when seeing those mountains and the lake in between. That was just stunning.
And then the Fairy tale castle, high above the mountain, should i ever come across the means, i'd love to make a room in the castle and then tear out the underground and build my voltron fortress. There were places for each of the lions!
Shopping in munich, and drinking at the famous Hofbrahaus!
Berlin, with its relevant history. It was a growing city..and 'the newest' one I've gone to. And then seeing the colleagues and friends on the train back.
Even this short narrative cant bring the emotions and the feelings of grandeur. I'll keep those to myself. There was a time in rome, when i wanted to stop taking pictures and just enjoy it, just be in the moment. To just be a traveler, passing through these cities to eat, to drink, to experience just a bit of what it is to live there. Maybe i wanted to feel like a local.
So, the experience is mine, no matter how much i can tel you. If you really want to know what its like, come with me on my next adventure..and you'll get a taste of it.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Clarity
On my way to the gym today I noticed something really strange.
A moment, or maybe more than a moment, but a realization of clarity. I dont think I've ever had that, not like this. Most of my life, at least the recorded bits, via journal, xanga, myspace, facebook and the like.. I've been a troubled soul. I never felt so at peace with myself. There was no search for love, no search for longing feelings, no feeling of solemnity, no immense happiness or sadness, just clarity. The world would still be ahead with its troubles and mysteries.
And it'll be just the first year of the rest of my life. It's coming to a head for sure. My first project, it may be my "life's" work. I'm putting all sorts of pressure on myself, none that need to be added by the enormity of it all. It's just a model anyway. Maybe I'm just sentimental, it's the first, and you never forget your first. Those who know me well also know that I am.
But here and now, things are so clear. I can look forward and back so easily and thus towards my goals with reckless abandon. I'm taking care of myself yet not afraid to let someone in, not afraid of anything but being stagnant. I wish that my friends can also feel this at some point in their lives.
Word, this is life. This is crazy.
A moment, or maybe more than a moment, but a realization of clarity. I dont think I've ever had that, not like this. Most of my life, at least the recorded bits, via journal, xanga, myspace, facebook and the like.. I've been a troubled soul. I never felt so at peace with myself. There was no search for love, no search for longing feelings, no feeling of solemnity, no immense happiness or sadness, just clarity. The world would still be ahead with its troubles and mysteries.
And it'll be just the first year of the rest of my life. It's coming to a head for sure. My first project, it may be my "life's" work. I'm putting all sorts of pressure on myself, none that need to be added by the enormity of it all. It's just a model anyway. Maybe I'm just sentimental, it's the first, and you never forget your first. Those who know me well also know that I am.
But here and now, things are so clear. I can look forward and back so easily and thus towards my goals with reckless abandon. I'm taking care of myself yet not afraid to let someone in, not afraid of anything but being stagnant. I wish that my friends can also feel this at some point in their lives.
Word, this is life. This is crazy.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
an empty apartment
Its been a quiet day, but again, enjoying this new place.
Here i sit on the couch at the center of this quiet place staring deeply into this computer. Im not bored, but not doing anything either. Maybe i'll get up and out of here later, i do need to find some dinner.
I was looking through Ikea stuff this morning, im so excited to furnish this place. Im trying to turn this place I can at least partially call my own. I'm finally gonna get to make my little LEGO Studio in a place even more inspiring than my office. I can have a nice little bachelor pad that's my bedroom. (Anda ridiculous pause here)
I live across the street from where LEGO was found, The ghosts of the LEGO Family stroll along the streets i look on every morning. The wonderfully perfect smell of the fresh baked bread in the morning, the pizza smell and restaurant next door. I have a fantastic and creative roommate who's probably crazier than I am.
Theres a bit of a future here, lots of excitement in the coming years.
Everything's a bit new again. A lot like my first weekend here back in september. So much opportunity and promise...
Soon we'll have this place full, but for now its a studio.. a place to express yourself without any fears. Its a Dojo, so scream and yell and isolate, and meditate and sweat out the world behind you.
But i'll be gone again. Off to New York again, 4th time in the last year. Off to cause some trouble. Back home again...and more stories to tell, more stories to make.
Here i sit on the couch at the center of this quiet place staring deeply into this computer. Im not bored, but not doing anything either. Maybe i'll get up and out of here later, i do need to find some dinner.
I was looking through Ikea stuff this morning, im so excited to furnish this place. Im trying to turn this place I can at least partially call my own. I'm finally gonna get to make my little LEGO Studio in a place even more inspiring than my office. I can have a nice little bachelor pad that's my bedroom. (Anda ridiculous pause here)
I live across the street from where LEGO was found, The ghosts of the LEGO Family stroll along the streets i look on every morning. The wonderfully perfect smell of the fresh baked bread in the morning, the pizza smell and restaurant next door. I have a fantastic and creative roommate who's probably crazier than I am.
Theres a bit of a future here, lots of excitement in the coming years.
Everything's a bit new again. A lot like my first weekend here back in september. So much opportunity and promise...
Soon we'll have this place full, but for now its a studio.. a place to express yourself without any fears. Its a Dojo, so scream and yell and isolate, and meditate and sweat out the world behind you.
But i'll be gone again. Off to New York again, 4th time in the last year. Off to cause some trouble. Back home again...and more stories to tell, more stories to make.
Monday, May 23, 2011
7000 pushups
has it been a year already?
i'm still piecing together all of these 'goodbye' parties that i've had. Really some wonderful memories with those people. And then dreading going back home to the madness that would be the summer of 2010. The madness and sadness of leaving, but never really saying goodbye. It was a summer of love last year, one we'll try to remember through our ages.
These days, i'm still settling in, but more like hitting the ground running or just hitting the ground and eventually rolling. Rocks still come to trip me up, but the long road lies ahead.
Trying so hard these days to immerse myself into the work so that i can keep some of the homesickness and loneliness at bay. The weekends can be unbearable, i still dread them most days.
But the crew here is getting ever closer, bound by music and poker, over bbq ribs and under the rain. Its becoming a family that i hope will last at least as long as LEGO pieces stay solid (obligatory i know).
Of course I'm making the best of it! Life is forever an adventure, and i may be that nomad who finds his solace on top of mountains, in front of seas and in the midst of millions of people. I have a place to call home, but as the days pass it slowly slips away leaving me but a citizen of the world...and so - forward I stride.
Ha! Last year i was sticking it out at the hotel svanen eating ramen dinners (those now relegated to late stays at work). I desperately waited for Yvonne's calls and frantically woke at the crack of dawn to put on my headset before work. I really miss those days already. I charged myself 7000 pushups for the 35 days in solitary confinement (With 10 days of conjugal visit -=D). Two hundred a day on average, making up what i missed on the following day or days. It wasnt uncommon to have to do 800 in a day or worse, but they got easier.
I watched Casablanca twice yesterday, more and more gut-wrenching each minute to tell the truth. But there i found a kindred spirit in Rick, the guy left in the rain with a comical look on his face. In my case, i was the one that left, but that doesnt matter. I also aspired to be this imperfect character, flawed and hopeless; clinging on to happier times while sticking his neck out for no one-at least he made it seem so. Maybe i could be strong enough to think for everyone, to let the captain sign the papers and make up lies to get people on the plane.
This is what this time does to you though, looking for ridiculous parallels to incredibly nonsensical, over dramatized stories. I'm so glad i have work to go to! (Today was spent rolling a car around the office back and forth along with serious debates on aesthetics and building very slowly as to get it 'just right).
Its so strange, back home in 3 weeks. Its gonna be a LONG 3 weeks. Deadlines, side trips, moving. Easy pickins, 200 pushups a day and making up for it on the weekends. 7000 again? i've already lost count, but at least 2000 so far.
i'm still piecing together all of these 'goodbye' parties that i've had. Really some wonderful memories with those people. And then dreading going back home to the madness that would be the summer of 2010. The madness and sadness of leaving, but never really saying goodbye. It was a summer of love last year, one we'll try to remember through our ages.
These days, i'm still settling in, but more like hitting the ground running or just hitting the ground and eventually rolling. Rocks still come to trip me up, but the long road lies ahead.
Trying so hard these days to immerse myself into the work so that i can keep some of the homesickness and loneliness at bay. The weekends can be unbearable, i still dread them most days.
But the crew here is getting ever closer, bound by music and poker, over bbq ribs and under the rain. Its becoming a family that i hope will last at least as long as LEGO pieces stay solid (obligatory i know).
Of course I'm making the best of it! Life is forever an adventure, and i may be that nomad who finds his solace on top of mountains, in front of seas and in the midst of millions of people. I have a place to call home, but as the days pass it slowly slips away leaving me but a citizen of the world...and so - forward I stride.
Ha! Last year i was sticking it out at the hotel svanen eating ramen dinners (those now relegated to late stays at work). I desperately waited for Yvonne's calls and frantically woke at the crack of dawn to put on my headset before work. I really miss those days already. I charged myself 7000 pushups for the 35 days in solitary confinement (With 10 days of conjugal visit -=D). Two hundred a day on average, making up what i missed on the following day or days. It wasnt uncommon to have to do 800 in a day or worse, but they got easier.
I watched Casablanca twice yesterday, more and more gut-wrenching each minute to tell the truth. But there i found a kindred spirit in Rick, the guy left in the rain with a comical look on his face. In my case, i was the one that left, but that doesnt matter. I also aspired to be this imperfect character, flawed and hopeless; clinging on to happier times while sticking his neck out for no one-at least he made it seem so. Maybe i could be strong enough to think for everyone, to let the captain sign the papers and make up lies to get people on the plane.
This is what this time does to you though, looking for ridiculous parallels to incredibly nonsensical, over dramatized stories. I'm so glad i have work to go to! (Today was spent rolling a car around the office back and forth along with serious debates on aesthetics and building very slowly as to get it 'just right).
Its so strange, back home in 3 weeks. Its gonna be a LONG 3 weeks. Deadlines, side trips, moving. Easy pickins, 200 pushups a day and making up for it on the weekends. 7000 again? i've already lost count, but at least 2000 so far.
Monday, April 25, 2011
First Tango in Paris
So yea, i found just about everything that was said about paris to be true. You can just watch any movie about the place and read it somewhere. The air of romance is everywhere, and it is the true romantic city. The Parisians and tourists are just so comfortable with themselves- not arrogant about it either. Its a wonderfully relaxing place, with lots of history and all the sights to boot.
I'll let my pictures speak for themselves, but they wont give you the magic of the air at the front door of the Sacre Coeur, or the electricity that's at the Eiffel tower when its lit up for the hour or the breeze by the Seine and the mists of the many fountains found around town. But i didnt get to kiss in paris, nor did i get to dance..I'll be back there soon; its a see you later paris, not an au revoir.
But why paris? what would i get out of it? For sure, I have some more of a reassurance about relaxing and humility. We all know Paris to be this great city, but the people there didnt give me the air as so. Its relaxed, and the many cafe's and sitdown spots say so. The deep history of just the city itself gives it some majesty and culture.
There's also something about paying more attention to detail, all of the sculptures and paintings and little details have dug into me and really push me to drive detail into my body of work as well.
As for Toys, sculptors have been making miniature versions of their creations for centuries. I mean today i get so impressed by the detail in some maquettes for anime figures and dolls, but back then..it was all hand carved in stone and with more detail!
I could learn a lot about color from the graffiti from different parts of the world, paris itself didnt have so much, but the outskirts had wonderful work, as did the germans on the way back from hamburg.
Paris was wonderful, and literally to that. Full of wonders for sure..but lets not stop there... I'll be back again for sure..but there is a whole world to see.
I'll let my pictures speak for themselves, but they wont give you the magic of the air at the front door of the Sacre Coeur, or the electricity that's at the Eiffel tower when its lit up for the hour or the breeze by the Seine and the mists of the many fountains found around town. But i didnt get to kiss in paris, nor did i get to dance..I'll be back there soon; its a see you later paris, not an au revoir.
But why paris? what would i get out of it? For sure, I have some more of a reassurance about relaxing and humility. We all know Paris to be this great city, but the people there didnt give me the air as so. Its relaxed, and the many cafe's and sitdown spots say so. The deep history of just the city itself gives it some majesty and culture.
There's also something about paying more attention to detail, all of the sculptures and paintings and little details have dug into me and really push me to drive detail into my body of work as well.
As for Toys, sculptors have been making miniature versions of their creations for centuries. I mean today i get so impressed by the detail in some maquettes for anime figures and dolls, but back then..it was all hand carved in stone and with more detail!
I could learn a lot about color from the graffiti from different parts of the world, paris itself didnt have so much, but the outskirts had wonderful work, as did the germans on the way back from hamburg.
Paris was wonderful, and literally to that. Full of wonders for sure..but lets not stop there... I'll be back again for sure..but there is a whole world to see.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Still dreaming.
As of now, no plans to be in new york til christmas.
maybe the longest time away from home ever. But I'll always be a new yorker, and before that, the man who's feet never touch the ground.
10 years ago, maybe 9 i thought about this whole business in my life - becoming a 'millionaire', being wildly successful in some sort of venture. But i guess that would never have made me a better man, or even happy. I didnt know then that I would only do what my heart told me, and what i thought was right for me. For a while i was just a selfish brat, not wanting to do things that were uncomfortable, uneasy. There were the times when i thought the Robotics, the toys would never get me anywhere- only to my own happy place and that i'd be 40 years old, living with my mom. I'd be the quintessential 40 year old virgin, working a dead end job and worse of all, staring into the eyes of my disappointed mother day in and day out.
And then there were the moments of brilliance and courage, telling myself that i'd make it someday. That one day that passion would bring me everything i ever wanted. I dont know if those days have ever ended. In order for dreams to come true, you have to dream.
I still picture myself as an older gentleman perusing the streets of the bronx; with kids in some public school, causing trouble. Maybe they'd learn more than i did when i grew up, but i'd hope to be one of those dads who was cooler than his kids. More up to speed on everything, but eventually fall behind. I'd have all the toys i could ask for, and even more for the little runts i'd be raising. At times that dream didnt have any kids, but hey, who knows. But these days, i'd be the father who wasnt there that often. Always in Europe having some adventure, or working. In truth i'd probably pay good money to have the kids in some kung fu monastery haha! Its far away though, maybe just a fart in the wind.
In the next 5, maybe 10 years, I'd be more traveled, maybe another language under my belt - 2 possibly. I'd have danced in spain, kissed in paris, had a duel in rome. I could have prayed at the vatican, drove on an autobahn, climbed up an alp, and swam in a fjord. The northern lights would have grazed my skin, and the red light district would be under it.
I could do my job 'til i die though. Is this it ? Do i live happily ever after? And still asking the questions about whats next. Im still sort of young. I can still perfect my craft. To build the greatest thing i can build, to express myself so complete and honest, and call that my life's work. Some may already be able to say it, but i'd like to have a complete body of work to leave behind. And that ought to be what's next. Thats the dream.
So, its getting warmer out here. The office is brighter, the bricks fresh and sharp as if the machines knew it was spring. Lots of things to look forward to. No more waiting. One day i'll be gone, no warnings. As it should be. And back to work on Monday morning, more excited than i was on friday to leave. Still dreaming.
and forgive my grammar, i'm a designer not an english major. My blog dang it.
maybe the longest time away from home ever. But I'll always be a new yorker, and before that, the man who's feet never touch the ground.
10 years ago, maybe 9 i thought about this whole business in my life - becoming a 'millionaire', being wildly successful in some sort of venture. But i guess that would never have made me a better man, or even happy. I didnt know then that I would only do what my heart told me, and what i thought was right for me. For a while i was just a selfish brat, not wanting to do things that were uncomfortable, uneasy. There were the times when i thought the Robotics, the toys would never get me anywhere- only to my own happy place and that i'd be 40 years old, living with my mom. I'd be the quintessential 40 year old virgin, working a dead end job and worse of all, staring into the eyes of my disappointed mother day in and day out.
And then there were the moments of brilliance and courage, telling myself that i'd make it someday. That one day that passion would bring me everything i ever wanted. I dont know if those days have ever ended. In order for dreams to come true, you have to dream.
I still picture myself as an older gentleman perusing the streets of the bronx; with kids in some public school, causing trouble. Maybe they'd learn more than i did when i grew up, but i'd hope to be one of those dads who was cooler than his kids. More up to speed on everything, but eventually fall behind. I'd have all the toys i could ask for, and even more for the little runts i'd be raising. At times that dream didnt have any kids, but hey, who knows. But these days, i'd be the father who wasnt there that often. Always in Europe having some adventure, or working. In truth i'd probably pay good money to have the kids in some kung fu monastery haha! Its far away though, maybe just a fart in the wind.
In the next 5, maybe 10 years, I'd be more traveled, maybe another language under my belt - 2 possibly. I'd have danced in spain, kissed in paris, had a duel in rome. I could have prayed at the vatican, drove on an autobahn, climbed up an alp, and swam in a fjord. The northern lights would have grazed my skin, and the red light district would be under it.
I could do my job 'til i die though. Is this it ? Do i live happily ever after? And still asking the questions about whats next. Im still sort of young. I can still perfect my craft. To build the greatest thing i can build, to express myself so complete and honest, and call that my life's work. Some may already be able to say it, but i'd like to have a complete body of work to leave behind. And that ought to be what's next. Thats the dream.
So, its getting warmer out here. The office is brighter, the bricks fresh and sharp as if the machines knew it was spring. Lots of things to look forward to. No more waiting. One day i'll be gone, no warnings. As it should be. And back to work on Monday morning, more excited than i was on friday to leave. Still dreaming.
and forgive my grammar, i'm a designer not an english major. My blog dang it.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Old habits die hard
Here i am.. So late in the evening and just watching anime, posing the hero factory figures.
But i still cant shake my bad habits. I was never a good student, homework really never stuck to me and I never minded doing anything until the last minute. Amongst all other things.
It makes me nervous to think about all that when i was never one to finish projects well. I have my projects and deadlines and stuff. But believing in something so deeply as i do now makes me really want to finish and finish well- if only to continue to better my craft. As an artist, thats all you can hope for right?
But i'm going home soon, just for a couple of days.
And then there's lent, maybe something to believe in. 40 days of some sort of devotion to something. Supposed to be sacrifice, but interpret it as your will.
Im hoping to cut up some old habits and hopefully add some new ones. Definitely need to bring back my resolve and I hope that my trip home will bring that back. I could use a muse.
But i still cant shake my bad habits. I was never a good student, homework really never stuck to me and I never minded doing anything until the last minute. Amongst all other things.
It makes me nervous to think about all that when i was never one to finish projects well. I have my projects and deadlines and stuff. But believing in something so deeply as i do now makes me really want to finish and finish well- if only to continue to better my craft. As an artist, thats all you can hope for right?
But i'm going home soon, just for a couple of days.
And then there's lent, maybe something to believe in. 40 days of some sort of devotion to something. Supposed to be sacrifice, but interpret it as your will.
Im hoping to cut up some old habits and hopefully add some new ones. Definitely need to bring back my resolve and I hope that my trip home will bring that back. I could use a muse.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Getting comfortable - Something about the silence
Its been a while (Ha, funny reference on this one, think you can find it?) since i've updated..theres been a whole lot going on..and sometimes not.
I think i'm getting way too comfortable here and have to get back on my feet. I've noticed my language has changed, just way too informal. But maybe its a sign of settling in. I'm seeing the things i can do, where my strengths are, building the network of people. Its getting way too relaxed though. Maybe there needs to be some more tension, more push..more to do on my plate? Is it enough already that i've got so much? Im in the office for nearly 11 hrs per day, its a safe haven. Gotta have a food stash there though..i'd probably stay longer!
But things are coming around. Deadlines are looming, dependencies on so many other factors.
Still, remember to stop and smell the roses..no sense rushing.
And coming to a paradox, where i love the sounds and the symphony of white noise with people around yet i deeply cherish my me time. But i may need to spend some time on me, to work out, to develop and study. It comes at a time though when i may need the most company. Its so easy to get lost in the work and the passion, but we all need some human contact. Sometimes its too quiet, sometimes i need it.
And Since the last post..LEGO World Copenhagen, catching up Danish and a HUGE HUGE HUGE project. Trying to stay inspired, building and exploring.
check my flickr. www.flickr.com/1brick
and I ask my readers..whats your passion? What would you do if you could do anything you wanted ? What would you do just because you loved it, money or not ? Where are your dreams?
I think i'm getting way too comfortable here and have to get back on my feet. I've noticed my language has changed, just way too informal. But maybe its a sign of settling in. I'm seeing the things i can do, where my strengths are, building the network of people. Its getting way too relaxed though. Maybe there needs to be some more tension, more push..more to do on my plate? Is it enough already that i've got so much? Im in the office for nearly 11 hrs per day, its a safe haven. Gotta have a food stash there though..i'd probably stay longer!
But things are coming around. Deadlines are looming, dependencies on so many other factors.
Still, remember to stop and smell the roses..no sense rushing.
And coming to a paradox, where i love the sounds and the symphony of white noise with people around yet i deeply cherish my me time. But i may need to spend some time on me, to work out, to develop and study. It comes at a time though when i may need the most company. Its so easy to get lost in the work and the passion, but we all need some human contact. Sometimes its too quiet, sometimes i need it.
And Since the last post..LEGO World Copenhagen, catching up Danish and a HUGE HUGE HUGE project. Trying to stay inspired, building and exploring.
check my flickr. www.flickr.com/1brick
and I ask my readers..whats your passion? What would you do if you could do anything you wanted ? What would you do just because you loved it, money or not ? Where are your dreams?
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Saving Grace
I've never been so happy that a week was over.
I cut up my hand, broke my rice cooker, and separated from my relationship.
Not to mention still recovering from being sick, catching up on a weeks worth of work and this rain and fog doesnt help. My room is a mess, the food in the fridge is spoiling and the dishes are piling up. I want to scratch the stitches off my hand. I'm lacking motivation, hemorrhaging money, and the VPN is so slow now that I cant even watch a movie. My diet has been reduced to boiled eggs and ramen and left over chicken nuggets. And maybe I could let myself cry a little, but even that doesnt make any sense. The year has beaten me up, and we're only 16 days in. To top it off..its not just me, I share my troubles with others, but maybe they wont have a scar to remind them.
I guess i have my saving graces, bits of light cutting through the dreary fog. My work gives me reason and great friends here bring me company and comfort along with dinner and dessert at times. The prospect of travel and promise of exotic land give me hope. And continuing to grow and learn bring me peace. Even though I have already found someone who completes me, I relish meeting new people and reminiscing with old friends. As something ends, many things also begin.
My saving grace is the unknown again. My penance is my solitude.
haha..whatever happened to the LEGO stuff on this blog?
LEGO World Copenhagen in February. Building for that along with work should keep me busy. Looking to build fun, interactive things for the kiddies and well, just to show off a little.
I hope my friends at NYBA are doing well. Flickr is showing them well.
Built the LEGO Architecture Rockefeller Center. Its great to build on that scale and even better to point out my favorite spots on it. It was a good building experience and a nice remembrance of home.
I cut up my hand, broke my rice cooker, and separated from my relationship.
Not to mention still recovering from being sick, catching up on a weeks worth of work and this rain and fog doesnt help. My room is a mess, the food in the fridge is spoiling and the dishes are piling up. I want to scratch the stitches off my hand. I'm lacking motivation, hemorrhaging money, and the VPN is so slow now that I cant even watch a movie. My diet has been reduced to boiled eggs and ramen and left over chicken nuggets. And maybe I could let myself cry a little, but even that doesnt make any sense. The year has beaten me up, and we're only 16 days in. To top it off..its not just me, I share my troubles with others, but maybe they wont have a scar to remind them.
I guess i have my saving graces, bits of light cutting through the dreary fog. My work gives me reason and great friends here bring me company and comfort along with dinner and dessert at times. The prospect of travel and promise of exotic land give me hope. And continuing to grow and learn bring me peace. Even though I have already found someone who completes me, I relish meeting new people and reminiscing with old friends. As something ends, many things also begin.
My saving grace is the unknown again. My penance is my solitude.
haha..whatever happened to the LEGO stuff on this blog?
LEGO World Copenhagen in February. Building for that along with work should keep me busy. Looking to build fun, interactive things for the kiddies and well, just to show off a little.
I hope my friends at NYBA are doing well. Flickr is showing them well.
Built the LEGO Architecture Rockefeller Center. Its great to build on that scale and even better to point out my favorite spots on it. It was a good building experience and a nice remembrance of home.
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