Still dreaming.

As of now, no plans to be in new york til christmas.
maybe the longest time away from home ever. But I'll always be a new yorker, and before that, the man who's feet never touch the ground.

10 years ago, maybe 9 i thought about this whole business in my life - becoming a 'millionaire', being wildly successful in some sort of venture. But i guess that would never have made me a better man, or even happy. I didnt know then that I would only do what my heart told me, and what i thought was right for me. For a while i was just a selfish brat, not wanting to do things that were uncomfortable, uneasy. There were the times when i thought the Robotics, the toys would never get me anywhere- only to my own happy place and that i'd be 40 years old, living with my mom. I'd be the quintessential 40 year old virgin, working a dead end job and worse of all, staring into the eyes of my disappointed mother day in and day out.
And then there were the moments of brilliance and courage, telling myself that i'd make it someday. That one day that passion would bring me everything i ever wanted. I dont know if those days have ever ended. In order for dreams to come true, you have to dream.
I still picture myself as an older gentleman perusing the streets of the bronx; with kids in some public school, causing trouble. Maybe they'd learn more than i did when i grew up, but i'd hope to be one of those dads who was cooler than his kids. More up to speed on everything, but eventually fall behind. I'd have all the toys i could ask for, and even more for the little runts i'd be raising. At times that dream didnt have any kids, but hey, who knows. But these days, i'd be the father who wasnt there that often. Always in Europe having some adventure, or working. In truth i'd probably pay good money to have the kids in some kung fu monastery haha! Its far away though, maybe just a fart in the wind.
In the next 5, maybe 10 years, I'd be more traveled, maybe another language under my belt - 2 possibly. I'd have danced in spain, kissed in paris, had a duel in rome. I could have prayed at the vatican, drove on an autobahn, climbed up an alp, and swam in a fjord. The northern lights would have grazed my skin, and the red light district would be under it.
I could do my job 'til i die though. Is this it ? Do i live happily ever after? And still asking the questions about whats next. Im still sort of young. I can still perfect my craft. To build the greatest thing i can build, to express myself so complete and honest, and call that my life's work. Some may already be able to say it, but i'd like to have a complete body of work to leave behind. And that ought to be what's next. Thats the dream.

So, its getting warmer out here. The office is brighter, the bricks fresh and sharp as if the machines knew it was spring. Lots of things to look forward to. No more waiting. One day i'll be gone, no warnings. As it should be. And back to work on Monday morning, more excited than i was on friday to leave. Still dreaming.

and forgive my grammar, i'm a designer not an english major. My blog dang it.

Old habits die hard

Here i am.. So late in the evening and just watching anime, posing the hero factory figures.

But i still cant shake my bad habits. I was never a good student, homework really never stuck to me and I never minded doing anything until the last minute. Amongst all other things.

It makes me nervous to think about all that when i was never one to finish projects well. I have my projects and deadlines and stuff. But believing in something so deeply as i do now makes me really want to finish and finish well- if only to continue to better my craft. As an artist, thats all you can hope for right?

But i'm going home soon, just for a couple of days.
And then there's lent, maybe something to believe in. 40 days of some sort of devotion to something. Supposed to be sacrifice, but interpret it as your will.

Im hoping to cut up some old habits and hopefully add some new ones. Definitely need to bring back my resolve and I hope that my trip home will bring that back. I could use a muse.