No chance to look back

This year has been anything but smooth and the way that each one of us has had to deal with the pandemic has been different for everyone.  Some got sick, and and those families had to deal with life and death in the balance with few not making it and those survivors ultimately scarred for life.  Many lost opportunities and work and time.  Some were lucky enough to have just lose comfort in wearing a mask, or  a travel ticket to a lost  vacation.  If it wasn't the pandemic it was something else. Political warfare, natural disasters, stroke, and freak accidents.  If anime taught us anything, it would have been to know that 2020 would be a year of disaster and calamity. 

For me, the flood came in the beginning of November 2020, just days after arriving back to Denmark with my wife and daughter - it felt like hours.  Due to the pandemic and probably many other reasons my time at LEGO Education had ended, along with many of my colleagues who's lives suddenly changed over 48 hours of the culling.  With luck I had a lifeboat of opportunity that my work spoke volumes to others and i would find a shore of a temporary contract with the bigger LEGO Group, keeping my salary and benefits until i could find a new full time job. As of writing this, that search continues, as if the water is slowly rising on my new found land.  

It didnt hit me until  a few days later, my emotions and anxiety finally hitting the fact that i'd have to leave 10 years of collected memories, stuff, builds, contraband and development at the drop of a hat.  It was barely a day before i signed that my contract was terminated and that i'd meet my new manager and even potentially begin work that same day.  I let myself start the day after.  It was only then that the work of visas for the family and the sick reality of thought that could lead to me leaving denmark.  I'm fighting to raise my daughter here though. I began to scrounge up my old desk, answering that question of what would you take with you if you could only take a few things to the edge of the world.  My few boxes felt like crumbs. Though i was always able to collect more, i knew that it was healthier to leave it all behind.  I knew that it would all eventually be washed away to be discarded unceremoniously and my best bet was to not look back.  I taught myself to let go of everything i feared to lose. 

There was the episode of 'The Fresh Prince' that lingered in my mind.  The one where Will's father came back and then left again with an excuse. Will exclaims 'Why doesn't he want me man?!' and falls into the arms of a supportive Uncle Phil.   I'm glad the show continued after that.  My friends, the rest of the LEGO Group and especially my wife filled that space of Uncle Phil, and i know that things will be ok.  They will be, yet until then, i'm definitely weighed down with anxiety, doubt, and fear.  I think its healthy to be prepared.  Luckily we knew  a flood was coming.  Onward we go.

I have ultimate gratitude to those who had that faith in me, and are continuing to work on my behalf to get that permanent job.    I know i need to be proactive too, and its a bit exciting to prove myself again.  Its exciting to be in a new role and new spot with so many opportunities.  Sky is the limit! 

I do get the chance to wade back into the flood waters though, just to see if there's anything left of my old home.  Feels a bit like the titanic, though its truly a flood that passed through. Its all there but its not, and I know that its really gone.  Maybe someday we'll find a way back, but whats gone is gone and i have to look forward for the sake of the life i brought into this world.   

To the new adventure, still working for LEGO but now to make sure that my daughter learns that her father is resilient.  That you can live and work your dreams and that nothing can stop us from them.  I want her to know that we got this. Lets keep building! 

a life, time, and a wheel

Ten,

Ten years ago I woke up to leave for Denmark for the first time.  Ten years later I woke up next to my wife and daughter.  Just like that, they were there.   Just like that it became a family, a family that I hope will continue the pursuit of happiness and dreams and the like.  Its a new journey, a wonderful cycle of new and renewal.  That this day fated so many sunsets ago i would begin a new life to watch it blossom into an amazing world and career, and now i begin again to a new life in the most literal sense of the world.  I cannot wait to see how this life plays out. 

some 5 years ago, i started a project that i really called 'project caveman' and really it was a name i gave myself and it wasnt anything super official of a name.  It does live on a few internal documents, but i'm sure they all gave it a much more minor, mundane name.   I mean, who was trying to reinvent the wheel?  I spent almost a year on research, which led to almost another year on development of prototypes and eventually presenting my results to a team which would take it further to market.  It was almost a solitary effort at least when i started and with a lot of help when it ended.  Driving it was a complete learning experience. 

That wheel finally came out, not so far removed from the original but hey, i'm proud of it. 

I built it into something for my daughter.  The model would gently rock her back and forth and I hope it would put her to sleep.   Lots of fun details in it and the like.  The part designed ended up being the part that her head would rest on.  In function, i would have to put a pillow and a blanket to make sure she was comfortable (and you'll never see it for fear of any ethical repercussion).  I found that to be an ultimate parable. That my projects would hold her head, and i hope they do, and i hope that thats how she sees the work that i do and maybe thats how i should see the work that i do.  It was pretty cool, the lights of the hub would shine through the pillow and would make a halo effect.  I took it apart already, to build more cool things. 

Be assured young one, rest your head amongst daddy's world, to help hold you up and bring you your dreams. 

8 years - Work like you mean it

Another title for this post could have been, Staying Hungry, eluding to the lack of bacon in my apartment today. 

Even though my first real day of work in Denmark was in September, it's this weekend where I actually came to Denmark for the first time.  It was a 5 week 'freelance' and 'interview' process.   All those emotions and feelings and fear and the unknown, bottled up into a 35 day blog sprint. 
These days, man, I hope its me channeling that passion and hunger that I had back then.  I hope i haven't been jaded by age and corporation, but I still find myself digging into the hours and and the bricks.   I can tell myself that I'd do this forever, that I'd do it for free as long as they'd let me.  I can tell myself that its not work, but practice or rehearsal - for a show that will be as grand as ever.   Whatever I do, its mine, and I want every hour and every dream to be seen when its eventually out. 

This is the longest I've ever been anywhere, it was only 5 years in university, just short of a full 7 years at home waiting for the right opportunity after that and now a full eight years living a dream.  Only the fact that it could all change, that life and its beautiful moments are temporary keep me on a teetering edge.  I can't take it for granted, so i give everything i've got, and remember doing so, so many years ago.  I placed brick after brick, even humbled by the amazing talent that sat in front of me.   My how they've all grown and how we've all been impacted by each other.  Maybe I havent taken any courses since I left New York, but i've surely learned  a lot.   I do hope to be here longer, there's still so much to do.  I've learned patience, and persistence.   I remember starting a project almost 2 years ago and now finally seeing the real plastic,  I cant wait to share it with everyone else!

There's no turning back, there's only forward.   There's only a new dream that may come, a future still wonderfully uncertain.  What I like to remember, especially when reading back in the last years, is to keep that passion alive, keep the hunger and will to surprise and WOW, and more importantly to continue that honest self expression through this wonderful medium, and maybe many other mediums.   To keep learning and being a child, and remember that even though you can be at a place and point of wisdom, true experience will dictate that only the openness and willingness to change is what will keep you going.

Here's to staying hungry, outworking yourself..and
time to find some bacon.   

Coming out clean on the other end.

One of many stories, but I think I wouldn't tell it if it weren't so personal.  With this year's FIRST LEGO League season being called HydroDynamics and me designing the models, it got deep, it got personal and one model really brought me to the brink.  It was that long personal connection to a time gone by, and a crazy challenging mechanic to make sure it would work pushing me to edges.

When I graduated University - two degrees, all fancy on paper, green as i'll ever get, no experience, and hoping for a better future. I'd think my first job was just at a LEGO Brand retail store, but the first real  Engineering job was a civil service position at the Department of Environmental Protection in New York City.  They stuck me with the Wastewater treatment division.

New York City has a mixed sewage system, with all rain water and sewage from houses eventually converging before going to the treatment plants.  Thirteen plants in all, and I was able to visit all of them in my short stay there.  It didn't take long before  I made the decision to leave.  I was on top of a sludge tank on the fourth day, I knew I wouldn't last long there.  There were tours of old sludge pipes, three and four meter tall pipes of old sewage tracks, and small cracked pipe replacements due to erosion from the inside.. think about that one.   And some of the normal HVAC replacements, new installations, simple replacements, site inspections just could not compare to the smell.   They say smell is the sense closest to memory, and believe me, I'll never forget.

Can you imagine my horror of doing a site visit to a water treatment plant, twelve years later and eventually deciding that the big complex model would be a water treatment plant? It made so much sense to do, being one of the most complex parts of the human water cycle.   It also leaned a bit on that experience from that long ago.

The model itself, going down to details, has a fun function.  You need to flush the toilet, and hold it down to activate the treatment plant, where once completed clean water and a sludge cake would come out.   So one action, with a delay, to release two objects over the span of a meter of axles with ramps running over those axles.  There's counterweights, locks, long axles with U joints, a non dual locked model and some clever design choices to match what would be part of the real thing.

You can see the counterweight should be sludge tanks, the fly wheel is an oxygenation or chemical treatment tank, and then the sludge release actually mimics the solid separation tank skimmer.  The water is released under everything via the skimmer as well.  The rest of the mechanism works via a clutch and release through the long pipe activated by the toilet.  When you flush, the mechanism can start, but if you don't hold down long enough, the model will lock itself again.  I mean its the real thing, you should flush a bit longer to get the solids out.

It took forever to get it to work, the timing was wrong, or there was an unknown friction somewhere in the system.  So many of my sketch models worked and then it came to testing.  The balance between time and weight was an issue.  Down to seconds and grams ! It felt like I had gone back to the shit back then.  I never thought i'd have to go back to it, but its funny how life goes in that cycle.

I remember when I left that job, it would actually begin an 18 day road trip around the US, by myself. The life risk was there, and I was young enough to take it.   I told myself I'd look back at it and laugh.  It took some years, but maybe it came back to laugh at me.   I'm proud of the model, and I hope all the FLL kids enjoy it too.  You get another piece of me here, how rare is it that we get to put that in our work.

*photo from the Building instructions and setup  of FLL Hydro Dynamics, courtesy of firstlegoleague.org*

5 years

Sitting under this cool, but artificial light, wearing relics of even further behind; my mind is reflecting upon the happenings of my last five years, its a smile on my face, sighs of relief,  a contentment and relaxation in my muscles, at least until my mind returns to the amount of work that needs to be done in the coming days and weeks.

Gosh the number of adventures, broken hearts, miles, and milliliters of ink.  So many bricks, beers and lost nights.   I cant think of where else i should be right now.  I cant imagine where life would be if i wasnt here.  I only dreamt of this.  But still, i want more, and theres so much left to do, so much left to share.   My goals continue to grow, as does my spirit.  My heart will continue to search, my body willing to learn.  I'm determined. 

i wonder who would even read this, to imagine the elation in my soul at making it here.   But brick by brick, building this life, constantly trying to express myself.  And even at this age, at this moment, learning how to punch again, to walk again, to display a card and still finding that the more I experience, the less that i know.

here's to the next 5 years, or even the next 5 minutes.  life is fleeting, life is short and everything can change so quickly. 

Inspiring young minds

Shortly,

My puppy inspires this awesome thing

http://www.us.lego.com/en-us/mindstorms/community/robot?projectid=91ccda72-7b20-45aa-b98b-6f56d2569a01

now this is a cool direction for this blog.

Last dance

Somewhere in some warehouse in the world, a box is beginning it's last dance to its final place of rest.  Its journey continues out and through the warehouse to a truck making its way to a local distribution center.  There begins the search from the carriers or postal services, labels on bar-coded, tracked and ready to go. In some days this box will land on a doorstep, or maybe a receiving center of a school ready to be experienced.
The final dance of twists and turns and lift and drops; a waltz and whiz of whirling pens and stamps coming to a halt with the tear of the tape and snap of the plastic strap.  Oh it began with a simple press of a button: the plastic ordered, granules shipped and heated to liquid, molded and squeezed, electronics soldered; buzzing and burping.  Parts shooting to open plastic bags sorted and shaken then heated and sealed.  And as the bags land in the final box, shaken to level, and cardboard placed, the top snapped on.

For me its finally happening, as my work will finally land in ordered hands.

There's a new robot in class.. and i'm glad to have been part of that.

Robot Educator

This was the first model i was asked to design, I had been working on it basically since i was first brought in in May 2010.  Getting a chance to build a new version of the first robot everyone builds was a real great honor and a wonderful experience.
I started with just trying to copy the old NXT Edu base set.  The new motor shape really didnt make this easy, and the new EV3 brick also made it hard to look good as well.  The CMU Engineering Content pack had a really good design too, but that was just too complex, it took too long to build. So i had to break down what was good and wasnt good about the old base set model.  Constructive criticism was tough, I used that model so many times and had so much to say about it, also..the designer sat just two desks down from me.
The old robot angle was never good for me.  When you looked at the screen and pressed the button, and programmed the robot to go forward, the robot would fall into your lap.   I want the robot to go away from me when i push the button, and that was the first design decision. Still, the angled NXT made for great photographs, that angle would make it to other robots, just not this one.
I did an awful lot of research with FLL teams and WRO teams that year.  I mean really studying videos and competitions before really deciding what to do.  Though I dont have actual numbers, I thought that about 95% of the robots i saw were flat on top, so the kids looked down at the robot naturally, and when they pressed any of the buttons the robot went away from them naturally.  This was another major design consideration.
The rest fell into place, at least for the base.  All ports needed to be accessible, along with the USB, USB host and SD card slots as well.  The charging port for the battery also needed to be easy to get to.  This placed the EV3 Brick precisely where it was in the final model, and all the rest became structural .
One of our Educational Specialist Consultants made the suggestion to add the pointer to the wheel, so i had just enough axle left to place it there and it really made a great detail for educators and aesthetic as well.  Thanks Yannick, thats all you.
The front of the model had to allow for all sensors and extra motor, i wanted to make sure you could make many different configurations.  I had to compromise a lot of my designs to 'simplify' the build of the sensors, but in general it came out great.  The US sensor had to be in the center, and low to the ground.  We had a lot of worry that it would read the ground, but it worked out right.  Touch sensor could really have been anywhere, but i really wanted to have it be a wall follower, pointed to the side.  That never fell through, though its easily buildable. There was a lot of debate about having a line follower with an off set color sensor.  I know it works, FLL kids did it in so many models, it just took me a while to prove it to everyone.  The Color cube or cuboid had a really cool development, i'd need photos to show that one. The motor module had to be super stable and really be part of the robot.  I envisioned that people wouldnt take it off once they put it on, but they had the option to.  Being able to grab any object was much simpler than kicking a specific object.  The color cube just happen to fit, but it can get duplo balls, or anything that can be seen by the US sensor and fit within the confines of the mousetrap.  That connection was a bit strange though, but it worked, though i wanted something much simpler, and maybe more elegant.  The gyro sensor didnt need to be at the front, it didnt need to be anywhere really.  It just had to be visible and easy to put on.  The back of the robot seemed like a good spot.  Though I would have liked to wire it a little better.
Its really something i worked really hard on, this robot will be used by hundreds of thousands of kids around the world, i hope they like it.  So much more of my experiences went into it, and its also my first.  You'll never forget your first.

Lifes Work

In University I never knew what I was going to do with my life.  LEGO had always been part of it.  Those Technic sets helped me through Structures 101 and even Machines and Mechanisms 101 as well.   I always wanted to model my Dynamics and Statics classes (300 level and 400 level) with Technic.  Aerodynamics classes were definitely not my strong suit, and though I wasn't much of a student, I do blame the establishment a little.    I graduated, and life was an open book.

  My first job was looking for models at some weird agency..that taught me how to spot talent, and maybe even start to nourish it.  Sometime after that I was given the opportunity to teach young kids how to dance, how to perform.  There i learned patience, and connection to others.  I learned how to work with kids and understand their needs, learned how to talk to them and teach them properly.  They taught me just as much as I taught them.  Then the LEGO Store, and there I found my passion, where i found my calling.  Maybe i didn't know it back then, but it would come to pass.  After finding my passion I found my 'River of shit' at the DEP.  And there I understood the passion, and the things i didn't want to do.  You should know both.   I crawled through, faster than I really should have, but I'm finally at the moment when i don't regret that.  When I left the LEGO Store, i didnt think i would be able to go back, but maybe letting go was the best thing for me.  I started on the path of no return, to teach, to explain and eventually master MINDSTORMS. 

And finally getting the opportunity to come here, to build on everything Ive learned in the last 7 years, and even the 5 years before that, and the lifetime before that as well.  I couldnt even begin to explain it all, but it truly is an honor to work on the LEGO MINDSTORMS EDUCATION EV3 project.  

Here it is, order it soon, and know that someone put their whole being into it. 

www.legoeducation.com.  

Muse

I dont usually do this, mix that much of my personal life in here, but i think its relevant in the life of a designer. The things that inspire us and drive us, and the people as well.

Shakespeare had his muses and John Nash had his Alicia. This year i had someone who made me feel special, even if for a brief moment. These days it doesnt take much. That feeling came with personal ups and downs and all the wonderful dramatics of a romantic comedy or telenovela. It came with late night conversations, passed photos, wishes of sweet dreams good mornings all the way to flights and flights of fancy around the world. It also came with gut wrenching heartache and unfounded jealousy, start surprises and wicked revelations.

 But we as creatives need that, to build and to express needs emotion, 'emotional content' and 'feeling' to quote enter the dragon. Ive made some of the best things i've ever made this year due to all that. There's only so much you can get from physical inspirations, and even those are limited. We have that which drives us, and those who drive us and its great to find people like that. Some people search for a lifetime to get that kind of inspiration. I'd like to think it can come from anywhere, take it even if its short lived. Soon, sooner than later..my lifes work will hit the stage. I've got everyone to thank for it too. Though its still a bit early, up til now i could thank so many people. Though in the context, lets just thank all the muses in my life. The good feelings, the bad ones and the ones that never happened..You've all driven me to build a world of bricks bigger than maybe i'll ever know.

Though my muse this year, the ninja, the secret agent, the one with a gun, Thanks Ms KK

On a lighter note..finally a big business trip.  To Malaysia I go...and back to the stage.

Goose, chase.

I often wonder if these little trips change me. London was the last of the three major cities they say about Europe. Paris, Rome and London, that was my order. Each one was a learning experience, and this was no different. I went to see War Horse, as it nurtured my love for mechanics and theater and entertainment and puppetry. I went there to see if i could learn to build a better robot, or play experience or show experience. It was fantastic! And the little goose that stole the show. I was surely entertained. London itself was amazing, and i could go back just for the options of food alone. my pictures on facebook should show a little bit of it. But, am i more worldly now? am i any wiser? I always find myself more foolish after these trips, more brash. Another year like this and i'll find myself absolutely bonkers. Maybe Im wiser, more foolish and can build something new. I guess i wont know until the time comes. and with that.. foolishness and fearlessness... sometimes go hand in hand.

the good year

i remember the sick feeling i had when i walked out of that night club last year. my heart sank lower than my feet... It didnt stop me though, the year had been great after that. I met some really great people in the last 12 months. Some really did sway the direction of my life and maybe more than a few others crept into my heart only to slowly crawl out again, or maybe i just left the doors open. And its been another year working at this wonderful place with the amazing people though i stopped asking myself how i got so lucky and finally looked back at how much i busted my ass to get here. Maybe it never looked like it on the surface, but i knew where my heart was. but this year, this year was great. All the cool places i got to go, and the butterflies i got to feel in my stomach. The great meals, open spaces and tiny adventures mixed with blue seas hot sand and cool breezes. Yea.. So in the coming year, i hope to see a culmination of my lifes work and i really mean that. Everything ive done up to now..all those little and big sacrifices.

102.. anticlimactic

I saw this poster about getting things done hanging near my desk and it reminded me about how i felt just 6 months ago.. (or is it 7.. My math is not working..anyway the beginning of January). I had a totally different state of mind back then, so focused on my building, dead set on getting it done and i was able to manage that many builds in such a short time. Oh what passion and dedication it takes, i remember putting my heart and soul into those models. Then i got there and found something else... Now, its almost the same.. The first week recovering from home.. Getting back into the swing of things. And soon the pace will really pick up, and the faster i get things done, the faster each day goes. Except now..from then.. I let matters of the heart find me. Not a day goes by without a thought.. But maybe my little orange peels have dried up. I said once that i wouldnt let go... And sadly i have. At least i tell myself so. Oh but its a great story of a boy so far away finding someone to dote over, and letting the drama unfold in his head until a.. Not so climactic ending. Though, thats what next chapters are for, and bridges. So the fleeting moment that engulfed me for the last couple of months is fading, life continues...ill continue with my passions.. And maybe i can find another fleeting moment. But she has a place in my heart and maybe she will never realize how good of a place that could be. And so on to the next months projects.... Building and building, and soon to show the world where its all gonna be.

182.5 days in

So half the year is over. I must say 2012 has been pretty kind to me and just the stack of boarding passes ought to be a nice feather in my cap. Now i'm feeling like im getting settled in to life here. Getting used to the life, and reaping some rewards of my hard work. I cant wait to continue the adventures that is my life here in europe. Work never ceases to surprise me, and every day is just still wonderfully different. I know that i still have a lot to learn, and one day i'll have something out in the market. That will be a truly glorius day! Im sure ive been distracted in the last 5 months but some little orange. Though it could also be taken as inspiration, or a muse - much like the poets of old. Im sure its still healthy, but whatever gets one to build for the day right? THat being said, ive began to start looking at whats next in my life. New goals, new projects. Whatever it means, i find the need to climb a mountain. And we'll think about whats after that when i get down from the mountain.

Novelty, Lost and Found

When i first started, i asked myself how long it would take for the novelty to wear off, for me to find a boring moment in an otherwise incredibly exciting job. So it was just about 17 months. Ive been in a rut, i just havent been waking up for it all. Dont get me wrong folks, its still fun, still playing with toys and making robots...believe me, the worst day I could have still makes up for all the nutso, hard days i had getting here. There just hasnt been a bounce in my step, stemming from many things. Maybe its a lack of motivation, a mixture of things going on in my personal life that made its way to my professional life, or maybe its just my personality, getting bored easily and looking for the next thing. Whatever it was, I feel like its passed, and maybe this is the cycle, feeling out of it, and sticking through long enough for the wheels to get back to speed. The words will always play in my head, and im really glad someone was there to say them to me. "Don't lose it," he said. It just took a good couple of hours seeing people so happy and passionate to lift my spirits. For the first time at the job, i've felt super appreciated, and witnessed the appreciation that people have for Designers of their beloved product. It was a great weekend for the spirit, and cant wait to get to the next one..a mere four weeks from now. As for my personal life, a song does it justice. I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door.

Little Orange

Ever try to peel off the skin from one of those small oranges in one piece? its not the easiest thing in the world, but wholly satisfying when finished. I hear the Japanese have contests on shapes you make out of it. But anyway.

I havent been here in a while. Work is at a steady stride, the routine is there, but never really routine. I still work at a job that offers me something possibly different every day even if things can seem the same on paper. Sometimes i forget that what i say has some weight, that i have just a bit of decision power and that theres just that much i bring to the table. Theres my own humility, but i have to remember to have an opinion, and strong ones.

LEGOWorld was fun, four nights in 'The Sky.'
Yea, the first day was tough, and the rest got smoother as the days went by. You can find my robots on Flickr.com/1brick. The photomonkey was awesome!

Really though, I havent been on cloud nine for a while, maybe innocently, but getting old and jaded is keeping me grounded. The time was short, the time was great and the sleeping was next to none..but you had to have some, or not. Seems a little orange kind of rolled into my life, sweet for sure. Just like everything else, gotta take it as it is, and only hope for more.

As for building, the major thing i came up with was accepting failure. Failure as a variant of done. My big robot is gonna hit the shelf, and maybe ill return to it. Hitting the sketchbook hardcore these days.

Time for something new yea? Something grand, something big, something amazing, and maybe a new massive ridiculous creation as well.

The crack

a bit hungry, but felt like writing

The crack of the cue ball hitting a fresh nine ball rack with a good stroke would send chills down many a spine. It was music to my ears. And i was that guy, yea that guy showing off in the middle of the pool table, at least with the loud break. I had a few good racks, relatively consistent with a decent position. The break shot from the back of the rack with the corner ball going into the side pocket-that shot was becoming easy.
I needed a fresh look at things, a creative boost in another department. What was mostly necessary was being able to shoot without bias, without though or complaint. Its like building without rules, screaming without volume, punching the gas on a go kart and hitting the turn without brakes. That happened this week too, but no one can get enough of that anyway.
It was a payday present to myself. But it wasnt the usual pool hall experience, my rusty memory of the smoky place, ridiculously loud music and friendly hostess seemed to fade a little for a silent three hours of no nonsense shooting. I could use a little company sometimes, i think i spend way too much time alone to be honest. Maybe that stark idealist, maybe i havent figured it out yet, ever the humble gentleman, the nomad and warrior haha.

And this old man on the train, looked like Mr. Miyagi and Sam seed rolled into one. His dirty grey que stuck out of a hole in a beat up old skully. He flexed and stretched like a crazy drunken master and he looked like he lost 3 of his fingers on his right hand fighting the good fight. 'Hav god dag!' streamed out of of his drunken lips, wet from the foam of a can that he couldnt open properly. I made up a story in my head about him, he couldnt just be a vagabond, and homeless stranger. He had to be this warrior, down on his luck, maybe missing some old lady lost in the passage of time. He fought many a battle, drunken style, maybe eagle claw..and his three strong fingers were a akin to that. 'Hav god dag' in an asian danish accent, the old master stammered. I wonder if i could have learned something from him. He could have showed me how to strengthen my hands by crushing beer cans he drank. The story was great. The ride home was sleepy and quiet, and the next day would be just as quiet.

Time for ice cream, time for legoland.

and i should mention oktoberfest somewhere. but thats another story.

obligatory..but really

Spending the better half of the day cooling down after my first sober birthday since i turned 25. I came home a few hundred kroner and one white bowtie (for some reason the sound of this word does not resonate with me) lighter.

The party itself was a whirlwind. Once at the club, it was near non stop dancing until just about 3am. I was glad people came and got dressed up and even more happy that even those who didnt particularly enjoy the music still came out and danced. The energy was incredible in there, and it was an amazing evening.

It was also a milestone, my first birthday in a new life. I cant believe how much had changed in the last year. And last night had started with this song that i kind of left with in nyc. I saved as many nights as i could, fought the brink of dawn, and tomorrow came, I was gone...and eventually so was she. The last year was truly sobering, full of learning experiences and now a new family here. I felt like i brought them back with me, to the bronx, to a piece of me that they may not really have known about or maybe they did. And it really meant a lot to me that they were there, while wishing my friends back home could help revel in the festivities as well. While lifting this massive one liter of danish beer, i was reminded of the travels and the sights ive seen. It was obviously Munich, but then more than that, my travels have brought me to the foot of the Eiffel tower, the water of the Trevi Fountain, a castle in the mountains, and where the seas meet the seas. But moreover, from those travels i knew there is just so much more to see of the world, the cities that no one heard of, and avenues few people walk through. I danced with more gusto and confidence last night than i had in a very long time. I left my inhibitions at the door and watched my shy youth go off in the distance. Perhaps it was a product of the year's happenings. The nearly forced learning of being independent, quickly and in a place where nobody knows your name, and many times where nobody knows your tongue. Where was this gusto while standing next to a beautiful girl on sort of balcony, listening to a swing band, in Verona!? Next time then. I dont know if i had any new turn patterns in me, maybe a few new moves, or just a few that came back from the back of my mind. I wondered if it would shadow the professional creativity that i've been able to display in the last year. So many things made with these two hands, and even fewer that anyone will see.
The year hasnt abated my hunger for more, and maybe even hungrier to see more, grow more and be more. At times i feel like my age lies to me, theres so much more life to live, I only wonder if i had missed out so much and trying to rush to catch up as i get older. Who am i kidding though, i always tell myself that i intend to live forever!

So here i sit, in a quiet apartment, feasting on Ken Burns Baseball. Enjoying a lazy sunday at home, trying not to think about too much and surely doing way too little. Perhaps i'll get something sweet from the store. I should be thinking about tomorrow, and maybe the next year ahead. Maybe very little will change in the coming year, maybe more will. Yea, 31.

A.... traveler

Maybe, the selfish traveler?

I spent that last 10 days traversing due south of my current abode. With grueling train rides, sweltering heat, and what felt like days at a time without a good shower.
It was great to share the experience via facebook, foursquare and even email letters with my mom. Traveling alone has all that comes with it, the introspective look, the self pacing, discovery and self discovery - though i hadnt set out for the self discovery part. And its so hard to share that, to share anything about the feeling of excitement and the touch and feel of the world around. I came out thinking that theres still so much more to see and i've only touched the surface.

I began on a wednesday afternoon, to vejle, picking up a travel towel and a water bottle, both essential travel tools. Like the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, never leave without a good towel. I had two. From there was a beeline to Venice. Flensburg was interesting at night, I wanted to explore it more, but the train was coming. Vending machine soup saved my ass and so did some tea crackers (which i had with me the entire trip!). I had a few hours in Fulda, a charming town with some really cool churches and sculptures. It was a city that was upgrading and getting some modern touches. Then waking up in Munich to take that last bit over through italy. Here I got to appreciate the Austian alps, they were fantastic.
Venice was as ive seen it in so many books and travel ideas. But as a tourguide said it, its a fading city, soon to be a themepark. Still absolutely beautiful with majestic panoramas and the charming streets where one could get so easily lost. It was a great first stop.
Verona was just a comfortable city, busy enough to have the noise that i like, but easy enough to get around with lots of charm, beautiful women and a fantastic live swing band. I have to return, if only to see the opera and of course greet the hosts that held me there for a few hours.
Rome reminded me of new york, It reminded me about how mundane some of our NYC sights have become to me, yet how grand they still are. But for the locals of Rome, could they be any less mundane? How could it be to let those things be just second nature. "Hey guys lets meet at the Trevi fountain, get drinks.?" but the vatican was as gaudy as they say and this ridiculous arch commemorating the beginning of Christianity'.. I bet my Non denominational friends would love to put something else there haha! The history is just mindboggling, and so was the heat. Rome is best seen with cooler weather for sure. And damn, there were so many filipinos!
A train strike, and me being over cautious sent me over to Grossetto. My host, and fellow MCP, toured me around this fortress town and the following day to the Mediterranean sea with its warm waters and strong breeze.
From there to Milan, which most reminded me of New York's shopping areas. Everything was (even too) easy. Expensive shops and model like women. It was mistimed though, one more night and i could have been at the crazy fashion night. No bowtie, though i held 4 in my hand before i left. I left my bank card in a automatic ordering machine at mcdonalds(!) perhaps a good thing, it kept me from spending more money than i had.
To Laussane, with its breathtaking views, the unexpected (at least for me) Olympic museum and just amazing air. If you wanted an introspective moment, it was here. The train ride reminded me of popping out of the tunnel and seeing seattle. I had that wow moment when seeing those mountains and the lake in between. That was just stunning.
And then the Fairy tale castle, high above the mountain, should i ever come across the means, i'd love to make a room in the castle and then tear out the underground and build my voltron fortress. There were places for each of the lions!
Shopping in munich, and drinking at the famous Hofbrahaus!
Berlin, with its relevant history. It was a growing city..and 'the newest' one I've gone to. And then seeing the colleagues and friends on the train back.

Even this short narrative cant bring the emotions and the feelings of grandeur. I'll keep those to myself. There was a time in rome, when i wanted to stop taking pictures and just enjoy it, just be in the moment. To just be a traveler, passing through these cities to eat, to drink, to experience just a bit of what it is to live there. Maybe i wanted to feel like a local.
So, the experience is mine, no matter how much i can tel you. If you really want to know what its like, come with me on my next adventure..and you'll get a taste of it.

Clarity

On my way to the gym today I noticed something really strange.
A moment, or maybe more than a moment, but a realization of clarity. I dont think I've ever had that, not like this. Most of my life, at least the recorded bits, via journal, xanga, myspace, facebook and the like.. I've been a troubled soul. I never felt so at peace with myself. There was no search for love, no search for longing feelings, no feeling of solemnity, no immense happiness or sadness, just clarity. The world would still be ahead with its troubles and mysteries.

And it'll be just the first year of the rest of my life. It's coming to a head for sure. My first project, it may be my "life's" work. I'm putting all sorts of pressure on myself, none that need to be added by the enormity of it all. It's just a model anyway. Maybe I'm just sentimental, it's the first, and you never forget your first. Those who know me well also know that I am.

But here and now, things are so clear. I can look forward and back so easily and thus towards my goals with reckless abandon. I'm taking care of myself yet not afraid to let someone in, not afraid of anything but being stagnant. I wish that my friends can also feel this at some point in their lives.

Word, this is life. This is crazy.